UTurn^TV

Jules gives you a great tip on an easy way to improve your conversational skills.  See how crossing your fingers will not only improve your conversations but your relationships too.  Let Jules know if it worked for you.

Jules talks about her experiences with people who believe they cannot change and asks – Do you settle for who you are?

I find myself saying “the truth is always just the truth” a great deal lately but a lot of people don’t always understand what I mean.  I will often get asked advice about how to tell someone something difficult or to give ‘constructive criticism’ (which always sounds like an excuse to be horrible to someone but in a business setting!).   One client said “but how to I tell them that their standard of work isn’t good enough – I don’t want to upset them.”  Telling someone the truth doesn’t have to be an unpleasant experience for either the delieverer or the receiver.

What many of us do is imagine that if someone gets upset it will somehow make it impossible to tell them the truth.  We feel that if we say that their work isn’t up to standard or they have carried out or they have done something incorrectly that we need to find ‘the right’ way to tell them.  How often do you find yourself engaged in conversations where you are trying to work out how to deliver bad news?  “What if I said….”, “Do you think I should say it like this…..” etc etc.  Lots and lots of us do this.

We make huge assumptions about how people will react based on our experiences of their behaviour but that doesn’t mean they will always react the same way and eventually most people end up avoiding having the conversation at all.

The trick, if indeed it is a trick, is to tell the truth in a way that doesn’t offend.  If you have any level of care for someone and need to give them feedback that you think they won’t react well to then telling them the truth should be easy.  Often you can ask someone what they think about a situation and will often tell you the truth that you wanted to say to them.

I believe that telling anyone the truth is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone.  I know I would rather be told the truth than ‘hear’ the lie underneath all the nice words designed not to hurt my feelings.  If your communication is not crystal clear and truthful it builds layers and layers of doubt and confusion into any dialogue and most of the time both of you are left feeling less than satisfied about what was achieved.

In your next ‘difficult’ conversation why don’t you try telling someone the truth by making sure you know what the truth is and deliver it in a way that demonstrates that you care about the person you are talking to?  You might find they appreciate you more for your honesty…..

Let me know how you get on.

There is a great deal of scientific information out there that proves that we are made of energy.  It’s what propels us forward and it’s what we need to feel good and alive.  You know if you have been eating too much of the wrong food or drinking too much alcohol and not doing any exercise that your energy levels will drop and stay fairly low until you make some positive changes.

However, have you ever noticed that some people seem to drain you of your energy?  In meetings, social occasions or just casually bumping into someone can sometimes leave you feeling like you’ve had someone turn your energy tap on and drained the lot out of you.  I’m sure you know the people I’m talking about – the girl with relationship problems who you keep trying to help but the relationship never seems to improve or end, the mate with the dreadful boss who keeps asking your advice but has been in the job for years and the family member who talks and talks to you about their lives and problems but never seems to be interested in what’s going on in your life.  I’m sure we can all identify someone like that in our lives.

Many of us are very happy giving away our energy by the bucketload because we care enough about something or someone to do so. However, what happens if after a day of happy energy giving that you find yourself in the company of an Energy Vampire?  You’re pretty much done for!  Not only could you find yourself drained of energy but you might also have that niggling worm of resentment and negativity starting to wriggle away in your everyday thoughts.

Energy Vampires in the main do not consciously try and drain us of our energy, they just do what works for them because after they’ve been with sympathetic, caring, giving you – they feel great!

If you lose energy through having someone ‘take’ it from you, even if it is unconsciously, logic dictates that you need to find some energy from somewhere else.  I have discovered that the best way of recovering my energy reserves is to do the things I love such as meditation, yoga or just being by myself not doing much.

What you may find is that once you have identified your EV you will begin to ‘see’ them draining you of your energy.  You might even find that you can change your way of interacting with them that stops them from taking it from you.

Do you know who your EV is? And do you know what you do or need to do to recharge?  Please write and let me know your thoughts – I would love to hear from you.  And as I promise to reply to all messages you can have some of my energy for free and with my love!