UTurn^TV

I find myself saying “the truth is always just the truth” a great deal lately but a lot of people don’t always understand what I mean.  I will often get asked advice about how to tell someone something difficult or to give ‘constructive criticism’ (which always sounds like an excuse to be horrible to someone but in a business setting!).   One client said “but how to I tell them that their standard of work isn’t good enough – I don’t want to upset them.”  Telling someone the truth doesn’t have to be an unpleasant experience for either the delieverer or the receiver.

What many of us do is imagine that if someone gets upset it will somehow make it impossible to tell them the truth.  We feel that if we say that their work isn’t up to standard or they have carried out or they have done something incorrectly that we need to find ‘the right’ way to tell them.  How often do you find yourself engaged in conversations where you are trying to work out how to deliver bad news?  “What if I said….”, “Do you think I should say it like this…..” etc etc.  Lots and lots of us do this.

We make huge assumptions about how people will react based on our experiences of their behaviour but that doesn’t mean they will always react the same way and eventually most people end up avoiding having the conversation at all.

The trick, if indeed it is a trick, is to tell the truth in a way that doesn’t offend.  If you have any level of care for someone and need to give them feedback that you think they won’t react well to then telling them the truth should be easy.  Often you can ask someone what they think about a situation and will often tell you the truth that you wanted to say to them.

I believe that telling anyone the truth is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone.  I know I would rather be told the truth than ‘hear’ the lie underneath all the nice words designed not to hurt my feelings.  If your communication is not crystal clear and truthful it builds layers and layers of doubt and confusion into any dialogue and most of the time both of you are left feeling less than satisfied about what was achieved.

In your next ‘difficult’ conversation why don’t you try telling someone the truth by making sure you know what the truth is and deliver it in a way that demonstrates that you care about the person you are talking to?  You might find they appreciate you more for your honesty…..

Let me know how you get on.

Posted in: Life Coaching
Tags:emotion,personal behaviour,truth